What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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