Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He has the fingertips of a God
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
