i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
