First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
