I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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