I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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