She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
