If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
