The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
