My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
