She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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