there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
