Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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