Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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