Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
