do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
