i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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