Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
