She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
