My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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