if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
