Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
