My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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