Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
