Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish you could order shots online.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
