the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
