Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
