You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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