take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
