I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
