Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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