I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
