just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
