having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
