I hate your face
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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