its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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