what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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