I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
