i already hear my dad disowning me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
