he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
