I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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