You really coming over, don't trick.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
