who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There r osticjed everywhere
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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