U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
