I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
