I wish I could punch you in the face.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize