I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
