why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."