I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Everything about him screamed your future.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat