If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination