I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
