you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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