a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
