you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
