If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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