Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
