I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
