I'm lost and stupid without you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.