the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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