Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.