well you can't waste a boner
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax