They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?