I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.