idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?