and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
